Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
