dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
