I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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