Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
