I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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