Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
