yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
