he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
