Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
