Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
