Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
