me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
