with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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