Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
