1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We named our party play list daddy issues
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
