The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This is classic penis vs brain.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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