Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
