Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
