You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
