and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
