And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
