Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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