Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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