I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
