ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
