Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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