Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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