You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
