put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
