thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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