Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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