You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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