I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
