I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
