Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
