You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
