Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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