Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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