Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
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I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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