its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
