Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
