The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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