he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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