I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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