I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
