Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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