i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
