question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
