you guys were way drunker than both of me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he thought i was a dude.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
