WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
