I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
