Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
