Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
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please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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