wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
