plz talk dirty to me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
