pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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