You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
