i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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