Kiss
Puke
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
