but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
