Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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