drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
