Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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