i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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