I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
