I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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